a light in the dark
...
For a while, my future has been quite dark.
And that's not to say I have no opportunities, but I haven't capitalized on a lot of them. I'm a common criminal when it comes to not fully utilizing agency. There's a lot that I could and want to do, but I don't for whatever reason. A friend of mine told me that she "also functions from executive dysfunction". I hate describing things in this way. It sounds like a medical diagnosis. It feels so unnecessary, to me, at least. I'll write on my frustrations another time.
Anyways.
Recently, I've been trying to do better about capitalizing on these opportunities. I've always wanted a tech internship, but have struggled a lot with bringing myself to take action to find one.
That changed two weeks ago. Admittedly, finding a summer internship is unrealistic, when we're transitioning to summer so soon. It's especially difficult as a compsci student. However, this is something I have to make happen.
And somehow? I've managed to bring myself to the final stage of getting and internship. It's not the ideal tech or large tech-adjacent company of my dreams, but it's somewhere smaller where my actions will matter more. I'm really excited for what work I might be able to do here. I want to have an impact.
I'm trying to not give myself too much hope. I continue applying elsewhere as well, just in case. Though, how could I contain my excitement?
Thank you for reading. You'll find a light as well.