lighting my candles
...
I'm not much good at these kind of things.
I want to be someone who can be disciplined, healthy, and proactive. Everyone does, really. Still, like most everyone else, I struggle to do so. It's difficult to commit myself to the things I should be doing.
In some blog post that I couldn't find now, I read that agency is my most valuable resource. Though it hasn't quite shaped me yet, this has stuck with me. I believe that, in an era where my attention is such a valuable resource, this idea regarding agency has only become more pronounced.
I'm not really a proactive person. I tend to leave things till the last minute. Right now, I should be studying, working on an academic project, working on a hobby project, booking a flight, registering for a fencing tournament, etc... I have a to-do list that I check in daily, but I'm always adding more than I am removing.
I tend to blame these troubles of mine on distraction, but I believe my own ambition and hesitation are the true culprits. I think I'm too scared that I'm going to mess whatever it is up, or that it's simply not the right time.
There was another thing I read about how so many people buy a wonderful, beautifully scented candle, just to never light it. They're saving it for a special occasion. However, that occasion never comes. We're too caught up in our own ambitions and hesitation to ever take the step we need to.
At the very least, I am. I have hundreds of unlit candles.
I don't want to keep buying candles, just to simply place them on a shelf. I don't need to wait for the right time. I don't need to wait for the right resources. I don't need to wait to be in the right mindset. Etc.
I have a lot of blog posts I haven't written. I've neglected this blog for nearly a month, feeling ill fit to write. However, I decided to write this post as soon as I thought of it, otherwise, how genuine would it really be?
Thanks for reading. Have a good day or night.